Little Johny

One day little Johnny was sitting under the apple tree polishing an apple. The neighborhood cop (that everyone knows) walks up to little Johnny and say I’ll give you 25 cents for that there apple. Little Johnny replies, no way your crazy!!!!! So the Cop Bids high, 50 cents, nope, 75 cents, nope, 1 dollar, nope, 1.25, nope, 1.50, nope, 1.75, nope, 2 dollars and that’s my finally offer. Little Johnny replies, no way!! Puzzled the cop asked Little Johnny way wont you sell me that there apple? Little Johnny paused for a second and then replied, MY SISTER GOT CADDY FOR HER CHERRY, SO I PLAN ON GETTING A FRATE TRAIN FOR THIS HERE APPLE.

Dirty cops

What is a white cop’s favorite race to arrest?

ANY THING THATS DARK

Kitchen capers

this cop says to this guy - you bastard , you have just knocked that man over , hes dead . the guy says - he never looked left or right . the cop says - hes no need to in his own fucking kitchen !

Alabama cop

there was a Alabama cop investigating the scene of a crash...he sees the
first car in the ditch. So he says to himself and writes down on his note
pad..."first car found in ditch...D-I-T-C-H. second car, found in ditch...D-I-
T-C-H. he sees the girls head and he says to himself "girls head found on
boulivard" he starts writing on his pad of paper..."girls head found on the
B-..." he thinks of how to spell boulivard and can’t figure it out...so he
earases the "B" and says to himself...FUCK IT!! so he reads over wha he
wrote already..."girl head found on the..." kicks the girls head across the
boulivard "girls body found in ditch...D-I-T-C-H"

What goes around comes around!

One day there was a cop on a horse, a lil girl came by on her bike, the cop asked her "did santa give you that bike" he chuckled, the lil girl said "Yes sir!" the Cop smiled and wrote her a ticket "tell santa to put a tailight on it next year" the lil girl looked up at him and said "did santa give you that Horse?" the Cop grinned and said "Why yes he did" the lil girl said " next time tell santa that the dick goes on the bottom of the horse not the top"

Handsome guy

the cops are looking for a guy who is handsome , sexy , and good in bed . you lot are safe , but where will i hide ?

The amazing power of voodoo

Once there was a woman that just couldn’t reach an orgaism. She tried everything, from washing machines to dildos, Viberators, group sex and porn, but nothing seemed to work. So she went to doctor and told the doctor about it...the doctor then asked her "have you tried washing machines or vibarators?" she said "yes sir" then the doctor asked "how about group sex? or adult videos?" The woman that cried back "YES DOC, I’ve tried everything but nothing seems to work....DOES THIS MEAN I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OFF AGAIN?!?!?!" The doctor than replied, "not nesscarily my dear, there is one last resort." Then he leaves the room for a minute and comes back in with a 9 inches dick-shaped object. He then says to the woman, "this is the voodoo dick. just say ’voodoo dick my pussy’, and it will go right inside you, and SHIFT back and forth...I promise you this will give you the best orgaism you ever had." so the woman says "voodoo dick my pussy" and the object then magically flys right inside her. It manages to work, and she gets an orgaism. She thanks the doctor, pays, and leaves. but on her way to the car she didn’t know how to get in out of her, so it keeps shifting and shifting...So she goes on the road so she can get home, but it keeps shifting inside her when she’s driving, having to orgaism of her life, yet she doesn’t want to get pulled over. However she gets pulled over by a bike cop...the cop looks her straight in the eye and he says "you were going 116 miles an hour. mind telling me why you’re in such a hurry?" So the woman explains to the cop about the voodoo dick." And the cop says back to her "voodoo dick My Ass"

Left

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Killer speeder

This guys doing 120 on the interstate and gets pulled by a state trooper. The trooper asks for his license. "Don’t have none" the man says. "Why not?" asks the trooper. " Well after my fifth d.u.i. the judge suspended them for life" he says. "You’ve had five d.u.i.s?" asks the trooper. "Yep" the guy says. "Well can I see the registration to this car?" the trooper asks. The man tells him, "nope it ain’t mine." Where did you get it?" "oh I stole it" the guy tells him. "You stole it? well wheres the owner?" "Oh I killed her, her bodies in the trunk. But I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I put my pistol in there." The trooper had had enough, he called his captain and said, "Captain you gotta get out here we got a fuckin’ lunatic out here." When the captain shows up he says to the guy, " My officer says you have no drivers license." " Yes sir I do." and promptly pulls out a valid license. The captain says, "can I look in your trunk?" "Sure",the guy says. The captain looks but only finds a spare tire and jack. " One more thing, can I look in your glove box?" "Go right ahead," the guy tells him. He looks but finds no pistol and the registration is in the guys name. He looks at the guy and says, " I don’t understand this. My officer said you didn’t have a license because you had five d.u.i.s, that you stole this car, killed the owner, put her body in the trunk and put a pistol in the glove box." "yeh?" the guy says. "Lying motherfucker probably said I was speeding too, huh?"

Why you want to be a cop

a women gets pulled over on her way to work . the cop asks the ussual question why are you in such a hurry. the women replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says I suppose you have a really important job like a doctor where it a matter of life and death that you be there huh. the lady says no accually I am a asshole stretcher. the cop says an asshole stretcher what is that. she says it is where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot. the cop says well what do you do with a six foot asshole? the lady says give them a gun and badge and have them pull people over that are late for work.